January 7 Play: SEVENTEEN ANTONIOS

# 7: SEVENTEEN ANTONIOS - by Ed Valentine
© January 7, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com

LIGHTS UP: Dawn. A Spanish plaza. ANTONIO playing guitar. Above, a balcony. OLD HIERONYMO looks down at Antonio.



OLD HIERONYMO: Ugh! YOU again.
(Calls off.)
Estella!

ESTELLA (off): Yes, Papa?

OLD HIERONYMO: It’s him again.

ESTELLA (off:) Ugh!

(OLD HIERONYMO goes inside. ESTELLA enters on the balcony. Sees Antonio. Folds her arms.)

ESTELLA: I told you to stop this, Antonio.

ANTONIO: I thought you’d be flattered by my persistence.

ESTELLA: I’m not.

ANTONIO: Come on. Just a little bit.

ESTELLA: I find it disturbing. Just when I’m enjoying the smell of the morning, you cram my house full of roses. Just when I’m enjoying the quiet, you cram my ears full of sound. And you play guitar like a donkey.

ANTONIO: Well, you haven’t heard anything yet!
(ANTONIO gives a flourish on the guitar. SIXTEEN OTHER ANTONIOS, all identically dressed, all enter carrying guitars. Together, they all play a flourish.)
See?

ESTELLA: Who are they?

ANTONIO: They’re me, of course! I hired the village necromancer. He grew them from a lock of my hair, a scraping of skin from the underside of my heel, and from yeast mold in a test tube. Now doesn’t THAT impress you?

ESTELLA: Not really. You’ve made it worse. If I don’t love one of you, how am I to love seventeen Antonios?

ANTONIO: (Sings as the OTHER ANTONIOS strum.)
Lovely Estella! My morning star!
There’s no need to be lonely-o!
My star-shaped flower,
Come down from your tower.
And you’ll never be without your Antonio!

OTHER ANTONIOS: (echoing) Antonio, Antonio, Antonio!

(They all throw a single rose on the balcony. She is pelted, and covered.)

ESTELLA: Your roses have thorns.

ANTONIO: And my love has petals! So what say you to our proposal?

ESTELLA: There’s only one thing to do. I shall stay inside for the rest of my life, as if in a nunnery. Forever, farewell.

(ESTELLA exits inside. As one body, ALL THE ANTONIOS moan. The sun travels across the sky through the following.)

ALL THE ANTONIOS: NO!
(They all fall on their knees. Sung:)
Estella!
(Identical gesture of despair. Sung:)
Estella!
(Identical gesture of supplication, arm flung wide. Sung:)
ESTELLA!
(Quietly. Sung:)
Estella.

(The sun sets.)

ANTONIO: Don’t worry, intrepid men. Give it time, she’s sure to crack. We’ll come back tomorrow.

(ANTONIO plays one flourish and begins to exit. One by one, then in groups of twos and threes, the OTHER ANTONIOS play a flourish and follow him off.)

(As the Final Antonio is walking away, ESTELLA comes out on the balcony in the moonlight. Picks up one rose and inhales its odor. Watches the Antonios go. After the last Antonio disappears, she throws the one rose down to the plaza. And exits.)

END OF PLAY.