January 24 Play: REVENGE OF THE BEARD

24: REVENGE OF THE BEARD - by Ed Valentine
© January 24, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com

LIGHTS UP: Barber chair, barber pole with an “OPEN” sign hung around it. On one side, the MAN WITH THE EXCEEDINGLY LONG BEARD from BEARD PLAY. On the other, the BARBER with a push broom.

MAN: It grew back.

BARBER: You again!

MAN: It grew again.
It’s new again.

BARBER: I’m sorry. We’re closed. There’s nothing I can do to help you.

MAN: But.

BARBER: Nothing.

MAN: But.

BARBER: Nothing.

MAN: Don’t you like a challenge, Mister?
Look at this! Look at this BEARD!
I thought you’d want to bag it, crush it, kill it –
You’re a BARBER, Man, isn’t this like
A Big Game Hunter Bagging the Biggest Game of All,
Huh?

BARBER: Some things don’t want to be bagged.
Some things don’t want to be killed.
Some things just want to be respected.
-
I’m sorry, Sir, we’re closed.
(Turns the sign on the barber pole from “Open” to “Closed.”)
See? Closed.

(He sweeps the man away, across the stage. Exits. Turns out the light. Circle of light only on the man.)

MAN: Well, Beard.
I guess it’s just you and me, now.

(The BEARD enfolds him. It strokes the top of his head, comfortingly. MAN looks out: not entirely comforted. A beat. Then lights snap out.)

END OF PLAY.