January 26 Play: MAN AS A CAR

26: MAN AS A CAR - by Ed Valentine
© January 26, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com

LIGHTS UP: A coffee bar by the Pacific Ocean. A WOMAN and a MAN.

WOMAN: He was a shit, you know?

MAN: Yeah.

WOMAN: An absolute shit. I mean, that was very interesting what they said. Very interesting. That was for my benefit, don’t you think? It must have been. Who else was it for, you know? Like…

MAN: Yeah.

WOMAN: I mean, I should’ve. I don’t know. I spent more time getting the Honda than I did investigating him. I should’ve kicked the tires. Gotten a better rate. Driven him at night. Looked under the hood.

(MAN snorts.)

You know? Like – see how he handled. Gone more than once around the block. Looked into the mileage. Interviewed the previous owner. Put him up on blocks and looked down underneath, you get what I’m saying? Should’ve comparison-shopped. Or maybe. Or maybe. Should’ve test driven a lot of different cars, a LOT of different cars, before buying one. Checked out “Car and Driver” first to see his bluebook value, or –

MAN: I don’t know what you mena now.

-

WOMAN: I’m just saying that I should’ve maybe not been so eager to buy. In the showroom, he looked so go, you know? But I could’ve, I should’ve walked away from the dealer when I had the chance. If only I’d done that. If only.

-

MAN: We could go out.

WOMAN: Who?

MAN: You and me.

WOMAN: That’s silly.

MAN: I guess.

WOMAN: But you know. Thanks.

(They sip coffee.)

MAN: You’ll find someone else.

WOMAN: I don’t think so.
No I won’t.

(Lights fade over the ocean.)


END OF PLAY.