27: HER FAT MAJESTY - by Ed Valentine
© January 27, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: HER FAT MAJESTY lolls on a giant red plush Valentine’s heart. SUITOR, carrying something under a woven cloth. Both in medieval dress.
HER FAT MAJESTY: What have you brought me, suitor?
SUITOR: Something to your liking!
HER FAT MAJESTY: Is it chocolate?
SUITOR: No.
HER FAT MAJESTY: Diamonds?
SUITOR: No, no.
HER FAT MAJESTY: A fur! You brought me a fur!
SUITOR: No. This!
(From under the cloth he takes a guitar. Sings the most beautiful song ever. You know which one I mean: that one. He kneels, opens his arms.)
SUITOR: Well?
(She presses her hand to her heart.)
HER FAT MAJESTY: Guards.
(The Guards come in and seize the Suitor.)
SUITOR: But –
HER FAT MAJESTY: You should’ve brought chocolate.
(Guards drag him away. HER FAT MAJESTY takes out a mirror. Lipsticks herself.)
Ready. NEXT!
(Lights out.)
END OF PLAY.
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