February 2 Play: LAST CALL AT FRANK'S

33: LAST CALL AT FRANK'S - by Ed Valentine
© February 2, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com

LIGHTS UP: Two MEN at a bar. Both tipsy. Empty glasses in front of them. MAN 2 putting on his coat.

BARTENDER (OS): Last call.

1: One more for the road?

2: Well.

1: Come on.

2: I shouldn’t.

1: Come on.

2: Okay, okay, twist my arm.

(2 takes off his coat. 1 signals “two more” to the OS bartender.)

1: I drive better with five in me anyway. Way better than with 4.

2: Me too!

1: And 3? Forget it. But after five, I can drive again. Really well.

(A bottle walks by. Or flies in. If it flies in, it has wings. In any case, 2 notices, 1 doesn’t. Bottle exits.)

With six I can drive pretty good, not as good as five. Seven, well, I’ve tried it. Been stopped a buncha times.

(A number of bottles walk by or fly in. 2 notices, 1 doesn’t. Bottles exit.)

They never take me in. Cops know me. I donate to the Police Athletic League.

(Stripper music, lurid lights. A big bottle saunters past and off. 2 notices, not 1.)

Still I stick to five. It’s safer. Five’s my limit.

(BARTENDER gives them drinks.)

Thanks, Frank.

2: Is that Five?

1: Round there.
(Raises glass.)
Here’s to ya!

(2 goes to raise his glass. Puts it down.)

2: I think I’m calling it. Safe home, Joe.

1: Safe home?
-
Jeez.

(Shakes his head. Drinks.)

(2 puts on coat. Stands, unsteadily. Walks upstage. Stands in a doorway light for a moment. Outside the ‘doorway,’ snow begins to fall. 2 shivers. Goes out into the night. Lights fade.)

END OF PLAY.