February 17 Play: BURNING QUESTIONS

48: BURNING QUESTIONS - by Ed Valentine
© February 17, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com

LIGHTS UP: 2 in a room full of books. They kneel, holding one book together.

1: This. It’s the one.

2: The one?

1: Out of all of these. Out of all the many: one.

2: And it has all the answers? The answers to everything?

1: Yes.

2: What’s our purpose? Why do we die? Is Bigfoot real? Is there a God?

1: Yes.

2: Why are people evil?

1: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

2: Who put the overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder?

(Beat.)

1: I love that song!

(Together, they sing the song.

BOTH:
Oh, who threw the overalls in Mrs Murphy's chowder
Nobody spoke, so he shouted all the louder
It's an Irish trick that's true
I can lick the mick that threw
The overalls in Mrs Murphy's chowder.

(louder:)
I can lick the mick that threw
The overalls in Mrs Murphy's chowder!

(louder! marching and banging books like drums.)
I can lick the mick that threw
The overalls in Mrs Murphy's chowder!

(They subside.)

2: Open it, open it!

1: It’s time, it’s time!
(He does.)
It’s empty.

2: Empty?

1: Stupid book.

(he lights a lighter. Burns the book. A thunderclap. Something has gone wrong.)

(Papers fall from the sky around them. They look up. Lights fade.)

END OF PLAY.