April 13 Play: CROQUET

X: CROQUET - by Ed Valentine
© April 13, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com


LIGHTS UP: Three people buried in earth up to their necks: ANNA, BELGIUM, and CYRIA.

ANNA: Seems to me that we're in fine fettle.

BELGIUM: Fine what?

ANNA: Fine fettle.

CYRIA: What is 'fettle?'

ANNA: Damned if I know.

CYRIA: What is 'damned?'

BELGIUM: Quiet, Cyria! Don't ask silly questions. Everyone knows that Anna's the smartest one around.

CYRIA: Of who?

BELGIUM: Of all of us.

CYRIA: That's not saying much.

ANNA: I can hear you. I'm right here.
(Noises off.)
Quiet! Here they come!

(They stay comically still. Even their expressions freeze. The DUKE and DUCHESS OF WINDSOR walk past them, playing croquet.)

DUCHESS OF WINDSOR: FORE!
(With the croquet mallet, she hits Cyria in the head. DUCHESS doesn't notice.)
Oh.

DUKE: Yes, peachy?

DUCHESS: I missed the gate. Missed the gate entirely.

(They stand as in the Avedon photo.)

DUKE: But peachy: there shall be another one!

DUCHESS: Do you think?

DUKE: Always and always. Forever and ever.

DUCHESS: I knew there was a reason. A reason why I loved you!

(The rub noses. Gross. Then exit humming.)

CYRIA: Ow.

ANNA: Quiet. We should accept our lot. Don't you think, Belgium?

BELGIUM: Oh yes. Yes I do. We should just be quiet and accept.

CYRIA: Huh.
-
Says you. 'Smartest one of us all.' Huh.

ANNA: I can hear you.

CYRIA: Good.

LIGHTS OUT. END OF PLAY.