X: DEVILS AND THE ANGELS - by Ed Valentine
© March 23, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: MAN WITH A GUITAR by a fire. A BOY just outside the circle of firelight, watching.
BOY: Who you playing fer, Mister?
-
Is it the Devil?
MAN: Nope.
BOY: You sure?
MAN: Yup. Ain’t playin’ for no Devil.
BOY: You playin’ for the angels, then?
MAN: Nope. Ain’t playin’ for no angels neither.
BOY: Who then? Who?
MAN: I play for you, Boy. You got all the devils and the angels inside of you.
BOY: I do?
(MAN PLAYS.)
Yeah, I guess I do.
Play some more.
MAN WITH GUITAR plays as the lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
March 22 Play: ISLAND PLAY
X: ISLAND PLAY - by Ed Valentine
© March 22, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: An island. A palm. 4 Castaways. 4 of them.
1: Who ate the last fish?
2: You did.
1: I didn’t. It was YOU.
3: Me? Not me.
1: Someone did.
(They all turn very slowly to 4. 4 makes desperate sounds. He is mute.)
1: That might as well be a confession.
2: That clinches it.
3: Well then.
(He – 3 – begins to tie a noose in some rope. 1 and 2 hold 4 down.)
3: That’s what comes of cheats and liars.
(3 and 2 put the noose around 4’s neck and take him to the tree. When no one else is looking, 1 discards the white bones of a fish.)
Lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
© March 22, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: An island. A palm. 4 Castaways. 4 of them.
1: Who ate the last fish?
2: You did.
1: I didn’t. It was YOU.
3: Me? Not me.
1: Someone did.
(They all turn very slowly to 4. 4 makes desperate sounds. He is mute.)
1: That might as well be a confession.
2: That clinches it.
3: Well then.
(He – 3 – begins to tie a noose in some rope. 1 and 2 hold 4 down.)
3: That’s what comes of cheats and liars.
(3 and 2 put the noose around 4’s neck and take him to the tree. When no one else is looking, 1 discards the white bones of a fish.)
Lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
March 21 Play: FIFTEEN CLOWNS
X: FIFTEEN CLOWNS - by Ed Valentine
© March 21, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A circus tent, or a suggestion thereof. 15 Clowns in a semicircle.
ALL: Whodunnit? Whodunnit?
1: One went by poison.
2: One went by hanging.
3: One went in a crash in a teeny tiny car.
4: One was found with a rubber chicken stuffed down his throat.
5: One’s makeup was tainted. It wasn’t an accident.
6: One was fired from a canon. BOOM! Right into a wall.
7: One got a pie in the face. Under the banana crème: chopped glass.
8: They turned a firehose at one. Out spewed acid.
9: The lion got loose.
10: A hatchet in the head.
11: They found him dangling from the trapeze. An aneurysm? I don’t think so.
12: Thumbtacks in his candy.
13: Exploding buttons.
14: A scorpion nest in the shoes. Lotta room in those shoes!
(One left. Lights change on all the dead Clowns. Clown 15 looks nervous.)
THE 14 DEAD CLOWNS: Well? Well well well well,
Well well
Well?
15: There’s no one left. No one left but me.
13: That means you must be the murderer.
15: Maybe I am. But maybe I’m not!
13: I guess time will tell.
15: (Sighs) It’s hard to be a clown these days. You have no idea.
(Doorbell rings.)
OFFSTAGE VOICE: Delivery!
(From the edge of the stage by the curtain, a deliveryman’s HAND emerges carrying flowers and a package. The package smokes: a bomb.)
15: This is it then. My dying day.
Ticking sound up. Suddenly stops. 15 holds his breath, waiting for the explosion.
Sudden blackout.
END OF PLAY.
© March 21, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A circus tent, or a suggestion thereof. 15 Clowns in a semicircle.
ALL: Whodunnit? Whodunnit?
1: One went by poison.
2: One went by hanging.
3: One went in a crash in a teeny tiny car.
4: One was found with a rubber chicken stuffed down his throat.
5: One’s makeup was tainted. It wasn’t an accident.
6: One was fired from a canon. BOOM! Right into a wall.
7: One got a pie in the face. Under the banana crème: chopped glass.
8: They turned a firehose at one. Out spewed acid.
9: The lion got loose.
10: A hatchet in the head.
11: They found him dangling from the trapeze. An aneurysm? I don’t think so.
12: Thumbtacks in his candy.
13: Exploding buttons.
14: A scorpion nest in the shoes. Lotta room in those shoes!
(One left. Lights change on all the dead Clowns. Clown 15 looks nervous.)
THE 14 DEAD CLOWNS: Well? Well well well well,
Well well
Well?
15: There’s no one left. No one left but me.
13: That means you must be the murderer.
15: Maybe I am. But maybe I’m not!
13: I guess time will tell.
15: (Sighs) It’s hard to be a clown these days. You have no idea.
(Doorbell rings.)
OFFSTAGE VOICE: Delivery!
(From the edge of the stage by the curtain, a deliveryman’s HAND emerges carrying flowers and a package. The package smokes: a bomb.)
15: This is it then. My dying day.
Ticking sound up. Suddenly stops. 15 holds his breath, waiting for the explosion.
Sudden blackout.
END OF PLAY.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
March 20 Play: Not Much of a Play
X: Not Much of a Play - by Ed Valentine
© March 20, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A stage with a red curtain.
1: Play?
2: Play.
The curtain opens. An elaborate set. Actors perform an opera of madness. People clap. Curtain closes.
1: That wasn’t much of a play.
2: Not my taste.
1: I want my money back.
2: They’re a fraud, I tell you, a fraud!
(Curtain opens. Set is gone. Empty stage. Ghost light.)
1: Gone?
-
2: We ain’t getting our dough back, Sal. Ain’t getting it back now for sure.
They sit.
Lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
© March 20, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A stage with a red curtain.
1: Play?
2: Play.
The curtain opens. An elaborate set. Actors perform an opera of madness. People clap. Curtain closes.
1: That wasn’t much of a play.
2: Not my taste.
1: I want my money back.
2: They’re a fraud, I tell you, a fraud!
(Curtain opens. Set is gone. Empty stage. Ghost light.)
1: Gone?
-
2: We ain’t getting our dough back, Sal. Ain’t getting it back now for sure.
They sit.
Lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
March 19: Be Kind to Your Dogs
X: BE KIND TO YOUR DOGS - by Ed Valentine
© March 19, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A knight, in ill-fitting armor. Quivering.
KNIGHT: I hear you. I hear you there.
VOICES: WE ARE HERE.
KNIGHT: Show yourselves!
A VOICE: Can you take it?
KNIGHT: I can take anything.
A VOICE: WELL THEN.
SLAM! A light switches on. An army of dog-headed soldiers are facing him, in shining armor, with spears.
HEAD DOG: Can you take this?
KNIGHT: Yes.
(He can’t.)
KNIGHT: Why?
HEAD DOG: You should’ve been kinder to us, Bucky. You should’ve been kind. All ready?
ALL DOGS: READY SIR.
KNIGHT: (Cowering:) Bad Dog. BAD DOG!
HEAD DOG: Not anymore. FORWARD, MARCH!
They shoulder their weapons and advance. When they encircle him, he screams as he disappears in their circle. As he screams, they savage him and he is gone.
END OF PLAY.
© March 19, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A knight, in ill-fitting armor. Quivering.
KNIGHT: I hear you. I hear you there.
VOICES: WE ARE HERE.
KNIGHT: Show yourselves!
A VOICE: Can you take it?
KNIGHT: I can take anything.
A VOICE: WELL THEN.
SLAM! A light switches on. An army of dog-headed soldiers are facing him, in shining armor, with spears.
HEAD DOG: Can you take this?
KNIGHT: Yes.
(He can’t.)
KNIGHT: Why?
HEAD DOG: You should’ve been kinder to us, Bucky. You should’ve been kind. All ready?
ALL DOGS: READY SIR.
KNIGHT: (Cowering:) Bad Dog. BAD DOG!
HEAD DOG: Not anymore. FORWARD, MARCH!
They shoulder their weapons and advance. When they encircle him, he screams as he disappears in their circle. As he screams, they savage him and he is gone.
END OF PLAY.
March 18 Play: THREE
X: THREE - by Ed Valentine
© March 18, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: RED SQUARE. MOSCOW. 3 in overcoats.
1: You have it?
2: I have it.
3: I have it.
1 & 2: You have it?
3: You want it? Go get it!
He flings it into the river. (Is there a river in Moscow? I’d better find out.)
1 & 2 SCREAM and look over the railing.
2: It’s mine!
(He leaps over the railing.)
Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii….
1: (To 3:) You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have done that.
3: But that I did.
1 holds his nose, jumps over too.
3: Silly boys.
Leaves. Lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
© March 18, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: RED SQUARE. MOSCOW. 3 in overcoats.
1: You have it?
2: I have it.
3: I have it.
1 & 2: You have it?
3: You want it? Go get it!
He flings it into the river. (Is there a river in Moscow? I’d better find out.)
1 & 2 SCREAM and look over the railing.
2: It’s mine!
(He leaps over the railing.)
Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii….
1: (To 3:) You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have done that.
3: But that I did.
1 holds his nose, jumps over too.
3: Silly boys.
Leaves. Lights fade.
END OF PLAY.
March 17 Play: STREETLAMP NIGHT
X: STREETLAMP NIGHT - by Ed Valentine
© March 17, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A Streetlamp. Foggy night. A Streetwalker and a John.
STREETWALKER: I can give you what you long for.
THE JOHN: Sex, you mean?
STREETWALKER: No. Well, yes, but –
THE JOHN: Pleasure.
STREETWALKER: No. More.
THE JOHN: Ecstasy? Fulfillment?
STREETWALKER: More, still.
THE JOHN: A whizz-bang evening?
STREETWALKER: Warm.
THE JOHN: A night I’ll never forget?
STREETWALKER: Warmer.
THE JOHN: What I’ve always wanted, always wanted in the end.
STREETWALKER: Maybe.
THE JOHN: The most intense physical expression I could ever hope to have?
STREETWALKER: Hot now.
THE JOHN: Then give it to me.
STREETWALKER: Give it to you?
THE JOHN: Give it to me. Now.
(She breaks his neck. Bends over his corpse. Drinks his blood.)
STREETWALKER: That’s what you want, Jack. Aren’t you the lucky boy!
(Her mouth is bloody.)
Who’s next?
(Grins out at us. Too many teeth.)
END OF PLAY.
© March 17, 2010 * ed@edvalentine.com
LIGHTS UP: A Streetlamp. Foggy night. A Streetwalker and a John.
STREETWALKER: I can give you what you long for.
THE JOHN: Sex, you mean?
STREETWALKER: No. Well, yes, but –
THE JOHN: Pleasure.
STREETWALKER: No. More.
THE JOHN: Ecstasy? Fulfillment?
STREETWALKER: More, still.
THE JOHN: A whizz-bang evening?
STREETWALKER: Warm.
THE JOHN: A night I’ll never forget?
STREETWALKER: Warmer.
THE JOHN: What I’ve always wanted, always wanted in the end.
STREETWALKER: Maybe.
THE JOHN: The most intense physical expression I could ever hope to have?
STREETWALKER: Hot now.
THE JOHN: Then give it to me.
STREETWALKER: Give it to you?
THE JOHN: Give it to me. Now.
(She breaks his neck. Bends over his corpse. Drinks his blood.)
STREETWALKER: That’s what you want, Jack. Aren’t you the lucky boy!
(Her mouth is bloody.)
Who’s next?
(Grins out at us. Too many teeth.)
END OF PLAY.
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